WoodWeek 16 December 2020
So, after a year not to remember, we have developed our Events Planner for 2021. With lockdown limiting our 2020 offering to a series of just 3 webinars and two very well-received and extremely popular conferences, we have much more in store for you and your teams for next year. Thanks so much to all of you who supported us and who turned out in record numbers for WoodWorks Conference in October and ForestTECH in November. We think 2021 holds even more potential!
Coming in mid-June 2021 will be our 3rd Carbon Forestry Conference. We are seeing unprecedented interest and registrations already for this event. Why? Well, as the action required globally and locally to stabilise our climate becomes more evident, issues like carbon forestry and carbon pricing are being discussed more frequently among business leaders across the economy. Witness the latest update from our friends at Carbon Match: NZU prices soared almost 10% over the course of November/first week of December, trading a Carbon Match high last week of $38.10 before appearing to finally ease a little as selling interest emerged around the $38 mark, last trade $37.75. People keep asking what on earth has seen carbon move up to $38. See more in today’s update.
Out on the forest floor, this new initiative from Waratah Forestry Equipment Australia should be welcome news. Recently they unveiled a new online Parts Catalog. The system enables Waratah customers with online access to quickly find the genuine parts they need to keep their machines up and running.
Looking to ways to improve wood fibre use across the economy, Oji Fibre Solutions Chief Operating Officer Terry Skiffington said a way needs to be found to place a “national value” on that resource in NZ so the economic incentives are there to not only pull it out of the forests, but also to invest in new plant to process it into new products or energy. See more detail below.
We hope you enjoy our weekly wood news updates and of course our graphic SnapSTAT feature every fortnight (... a picture is worth a thousand words). SnapSTAT is brought to you by the team at Chainsaw & Outdoor Power Limited & Oregon. Thanks to their team and all of our other WoodWeek advertisers, sponsors and supporters!
Finally, if you missed the latest update from our very own Ashley Bloomfield on the news this week, the Government has released a contingency Covid plan called Unstoppable Summer with some possible scenarios. Ever the steady and guiding hand, Ashley has also added a new bit to our classic New Zealand "Keep Safe" slogan. Dr Ashley says, "Remember to Slip, Slap, Slop and Scan (that Covid QR code)" this summer.
That's us for another year. So, from our team here at WoodWeek, we hope you and your family have a safe and relaxing summer holiday. We wish you all a very Merry Christmas. See you at the beach, on your bikes in Whakarewarewa forest or out fishing. Thanks for your wonderful support, hope you all enjoy the break.
This week we have for you:
2021 Technology Events – mark your diariesAfter an year not to remember, we have developed our Events Planner for 2021. With lockdown limiting our offering to a series of just 3 webinars, we have more in store for next year. Thanks so much to all of you who supported us and who turned our in record numbers for WoodWorks Conference in October and ForestTECH in November. We think 2021 holds even more potential!
Our planned events will enable you to pencil the dates into your own calendar for next year and industry associations, research organisations and those involved in setting up your own programmes for 2021 to take note of the dates (and ideally look to dovetail in to the tech events timing and location to add value to the industry and those likely to attend).
For those of you who are local industry suppliers, we hope this forward planning will also enable you to schedule your plans to budget and plan to support and attend our relevant conferences. For , everyone we really hope it will enable you to meet with your key customers or distributors in Australia and New Zealand.
Our FIEA and Innovatek conferences being planned for you include:
1. MobileTECH AG 2021
23-24 March 2021, Rotorua, New Zealand
www. www.mobiletech.events + live remote.
2. Forest Industry Safety & Technology Conference
13 April 2021, Rotorua, New Zealand
Note: This is being run in conjunction with the two-day log transport and wood harvesting event, HarvestTECH 2021.
3. HarvestTECH 2021
13-14 April 2021, Rotorua, New Zealand
www.harvesttech.events + live remote.
4. Carbon Forestry 21
15-16 June 2021, Rotorua, New Zealand
www.carbonforestry.events + live remote.
5. WoodTECH 2020
3-4 August 2021, Rotorua, New Zealand
3-4 August 2021, Melbourne, Australia
Note: For the first time, this sawmilling event will be run at the same time in both New Zealand and Australia.
www.woodtech.events + live remote.
21-22 September 2021, Rotorua, New Zealand
7. ForestTECH 2021
16-17 November 2021, Melbourne, Australia
18-19 November 2020, Rotorua, New Zealand
Mark the dates into your 2021 calendar. At this early stage, if you are interested in either presenting or exhibiting, let us know early on and we will consider how we can best work with you for our planned events. Exact dates and venues will depend on how COVID-19 impacts or is contained.
Also attached for your information is a 2021 Innovatek Technology Events Guide which provides you with further information on the schedule of tech events planned for next year.
Carbon Forestry 2021: Rod Carr to deliver keynote addressWe are pleased to announce Rod Carr as the keynote speaker for our FIEA Carbon Forestry 2021 Conference. Dr Carr will lead a strong line up of speakers for this timely national conference. The Climate Change Commission has a pivotal role to play in the next stage of New Zealand’s action to meet its international climate obligations with practical targets and timelines.
As Chair, Rod Carr is planning a course for the Climate Change Commission he helms through uncharted territory, looking to find a useful place for the body in New Zealand's public debate and the realities of politics. The Commission is empowered to push the Government to do more to reduce emissions, he will have to tread a fine line between doing his job and engaging in political advocacy.
According to Newsroom reporting (see more here) Carr's Commission has quickly taken on a role for education and awareness about climate change, engaging with members of the public and seeking from them a mandate to push harder for climate action.
Dr Carr has extensive experience in both public and private sector governance and leadership. Dr Carr led the University of Canterbury as Vice Chancellor for ten years and was the founding Chair of the National Infrastructure Advisory Board. He served as Chair and non-executive director of the Reserve Bank of New Zealand and served as Deputy Governor and for a time Acting Governor of the Bank.
Carbon market updateNZU Update - NZU prices soared almost 10% over the course of November/first week of December, trading a Carbon Match high last week of $38.10 before appearing finally to ease a little as selling interest emerged around the $38 mark, last trade $37.75.
People keep asking what on earth has seen carbon move up to $38. From a buyer's perspective, here are all the factors we see at play - in no particular order:
> The ETS is not really only a domestic market, in that a compliance entity has no ability to comply using international units, but international capital can most certainly access and hold on to New Zealand Units. > The fixed price option is on its way out and the cost containment reserve is in no way shape or form a replacement for the simple basic assurance that the FPO has provided to compliance entities for the last ten years.
> The ETS now has very big penalties for non-compliance.
> While the auctions will inject further liquidity, there is no certainty for a compliance buyer that they will get what they need.
> They also come with other complexities that buying spot carbon does not impose - for example the requirement to lodge collateral and educate oneself about how to use the auction system.
None of the above factors are new. But there's quite alot to think about. And minds are becoming more focused on the challenge - indeed, for some entities, the existential challenge - that is posed by a strengthened ETS.
On the other hand, NZU holders, especially the natural sellers, see news almost every day that they're able to interpret as justification for holding on; reasons for thinking that even $38 is not nearly a high enough carbon price to drive our transition.
Our Planet is Broken - One example is New Zealand's recently declared climate emergency. Perhaps even more significant is the announcement that the public sector will go carbon neutral by 2025. The relative nearness of this target only adds to bullish sentiment.
We have also heard the Secretary General of the United Nations, Antonio Guterres warning that “our planet is broken” in his State of the Planet speech at Columbia University.
Guterres' speech packed a punch and he said that humanity is waging a suicidal war on nature which is destroying ecosystems, causing biodiversity to collapse and reducing and degrading wetlands, coral reefs and forests.
He also pointed to the issue of increasing exposure of humans and livestock to viruses and disease as we encroach further into the natural habitats of wild animals.
2020 is currently set to be one of the three warmest years globally on record, despite the cooling impact of this year’s La Nina weather pattern.
Guterres is highly pessimistic about the worlds’ ability to limit temperature rise to 1.5 degrees Celsius above pre-industrial levels (we are already at 1.2 degrees above).
Rather he says we are heading for a 3 to 5 degree rise this century, with carbon dioxide and methane at record levels and rising; fossil fuel production needs to decrease by approx. 6 percent a year from now till 2030, however, it is due to increase at an annual rate of 2 percent.
Guterres called on international institutions, governments and the private sector to move investments away from fossil fuels and into renewables, put a price on carbon and to support developing countries in reaching their climate goals. He said a central objective for the United Nations for 2021 is to build a truly global coalition for carbon neutrality.
We Are Still Waiting for a Plan - Over the weekend, another significant event took place - the Climate Ambition Summit, which was hosted virtually by the UN, UK and France.
Despite our recent declaration of a climate emergency, no one from the New Zealand government spoke - according to Climate Change Minister James Shaw, New Zealand had been invited to “tender” an application to attend, but it seems that we didn’t yet have anything significant enough to announce or add to the Summit.
New Zealand’s absence, and the perception that we haven’t done enough to tackle climate change, will be an embarrassment for the Prime Minister and her government.
In contrast, Boris Johnson boldly touted the UK’s credentials in one of the main addresses, despite having been somewhat of a climate sceptic in the past.
He reaffirmed commitment to a 10 point plan for a "green industrial revolution" and to cut the UK's emissions by 68% by 2030.
Australia was barred from speaking given the widely held view that they have lacked ambition to curb fossil fuel use.
Source: Carbon Match (where NZUs currently bid $37.75 and offered $38.00)
Learning reviews improve safetyLearning from what goes wrong at work, and what goes right, is important because it helps us identify ways to improve and build stronger businesses. Traditional incident investigations are one way to do this. But these investigations tend to be quite limited in their scope. That means they don’t necessarily reveal all the under-lying factors that contributed to an incident, or all the lessons that can be learnt to prevent similar events in future.
Click here to see our conference program for Forest Safety & Technology Conference in April 2021.
One alternative approach is a Learning Review, which focuses on learning and improvement rather than just finding out what went wrong and who was at fault. Learning Reviews explore how the work is actually being done, and how it could be done differently. Workers are heavily involved in the process - including offering their ideas on ways to work more safely.
Learning Reviews recognise two important things – that we can’t escape human error (even the most competent operator makes mistakes) and that errors are a product of the way the work is done, not just workers making mistakes. They help identify improvements that can protect workers and the business from inevitable human errors.
Safetree has several resources to help forestry businesses learn about, and use, the Learning Review approach. These include a new video case study on how PanPac Forest Products used a Learning Review to improve safety and worker engagement at its Napier lumber division.
The Learning Review approach was developed for the forestry industry by Scion, with the support of WorkSafe and Safetree. Scion is working with a core group of forestry people to further develop their skills to undertake the reviews. If you are interested in getting involved or trying out the Learning Review approach contact: Fiona.Ewing@fisc.org.nz or Brionny.Hooper@scionresearch.com.
In this video, PanPac Forest Products Lumber Division staff talk about the outcomes of a Learning Review that followed a serious incident involving a forklift. The company implemented safety improvements suggested by the workers themselves. So, in addition to improving safety around forklifts, there has been better worker buy- in to the new ways of working, and an uplift in engagement from workers who feel they now have a stronger voice in health and safety decision-making.
Waratah: Parts now available onlineWaratah Forestry Equipment launches new online Parts Catalog – Waratah Forestry Equipment New Zealand recently unveiled its new online Parts Catalog. The system enables Waratah customers with online access to quickly find the genuine parts they need to keep their machines up and running. From their smallest to largest harvesters, their team of Ian King and Matt Wilson have you covered.
“Our new online catalog is a great way to ensure our customers quickly get the parts they need,” said Brent Fisher, product marketing manager for Waratah. “This easily accessible and comprehensive tool is pretty powerful. Customers can locate parts and send the info directly to their dealer. This efficiency will go a long way toward getting the right parts, reducing delays and increasing uptime, which helps our customers’ bottom line.”
Easy searching - The robust online catalog is easily searchable by Waratah model with PIN/serial number or equipment name, or by a full or partial part number. From there, parts are divided into logical categories, for example mechanical, hydraulics and saw, so parts lists are considerably shorter for faster searching.
Each part is displayed with its part number, component description and an image or schematic. Once the correct part is identified, purchasing is as simple as selecting the quantity and adding it to an online cart for sending to the customer’s respective dealer. Multiple parts can be added to the customer’s shopping cart as needed or even added manually by typing in a part name.
Customers can directly email the parts list to their dealer or parts person and have the option to print their order page for verification or reference.
“The online, easily searchable Parts Catalog is a dramatic change from the dependence on paper manuals, which are easy to lose, damage or leave behind in the machine – causing delays,” Fisher said. “Anytime our customers spend time searching for the part they need, it’s a loss in productivity. This online offering of genuine Waratah parts takes the guesswork out of finding the right part, simplifying the search and providing access to the parts they need.”
Comprehensive catalog - The new online catalog features parts for current and select older model Waratah products including harvester heads felling heads, and control systems.
“The online Waratah Parts Catalog is very comprehensive and efficient – covering our 200/400/600 Series, felling heads and control systems,” Fisher said. “The easy-to-use search bar helps our customers quickly find any part they need that’s on the head. It’s ultimately another way we’re providing top-level service for our customers.”
The Waratah Parts Catalog can be found at partscatalog.waratah.com.
Better access to forest wastes neededOji: Competitive bioproducts need improved wood supply - New Zealand needs to find better ways to access forestry waste if it is going to produce globally competitive bioproducts, a major packaging company says.
Oji Fibre Solutions, which operates three paper mills in the North Island, said almost all the countries its rivals operate in have schemes that require or encourage the removal of forestry waste at harvesting. Some also have rules or subsidies advantaging energy made from those residues.
Chief operating officer Terry Skiffington said a way needs to be found to place a “national value” on that resource in NZ so the economic incentives are there to not only pull it out of the forests, but also to invest in new plant to process it into new products or energy.
“Unfortunately, in New Zealand, that biomass is generally wasted,” he told delegates at a conference on decarbonising industry. “Really the country needs to figure out a way to convert that into fuel,” he said. “That is both a massive opportunity and a challenge for the country, because is it a free resource that is sitting there wasting away.”
Existing industry - NZ already gets about 10 percent of its primary energy from wood and other wood wastes, much of it used at sites like Oji’s mills. More firms, schools and hospitals are converting heating systems to wood – generally to displace coal – and wood suppliers say they can provide much more, and at larger scale, for customers prepared to enter into long-term contracts.
The government is also keen to see more wood-based fuel and chemicals made here and is looking at ways to encourage more domestic processing – as opposed to exporting raw logs. Rob Mallinson, managing director of wood supplier Living Energy, said about a quarter of all logs processed in a sawmill ends up as wood chip and a lot of that is currently exported. There are also millions of tonnes of wood available on farms and in urban areas.
“Stop worrying about your wood fuel supply – build it and they will come,” he said.
But getting it at scale can be a challenge and many industrial sites built 50 years ago are nowhere near forests.
Dairy and food processors are the biggest contributors to emissions from NZ’s manufacturing sector. Many on the South Island, where gas is not available, are co-firing boilers with wood or looking at complete replacements.
Five megatrends for next decade of forestryA group of experts from academic, governmental and international organisations have identified five large-scale 'megatrends' affecting forests and forest communities, published today in Nature Plants. These are likely to have major consequences -- both positively and negatively -- over the coming decade.
Around the world, 1.6 billion people live within 5km of a forest, and millions rely on them for their livelihoods, especially in poorer countries. They are also home to much of the world's biodiversity and regulate key aspects of the carbon cycle. In short, forests are vital in global and national efforts to combat climate change and biodiversity loss, and eradicate hunger and poverty.
Despite their importance, research on forests and livelihoods to date has mainly focused on understanding local household and community-level dynamics. Identifying the links between human and natural systems at the regional and global scales is critical for future policy and action.
The five trends revealed by the research are:
1. Forest megadisturbances - Droughts and excessive precipitation are increasing forests' susceptibility to diseases and human-induced wildfires and floods -- this is leading to defoliation, tree mortality and declines in forest productivity at unprecedented scales, and there is increasing evidence that forest disturbance can result in the emergence of diseases with the ability to spread globally.
So, applying that global thinking to our local situation we can see there is some substance in this predictions as we can see increased effects locally in the rain events in New Zealand and the forest fire events of recent times in Australia. So this research is onto something.
Watch this space, as in coming weeks we will expand on the other four trends highlighted below:
2. Changing rural demographics
3. The rise of the middle class
4. Use of digital technologies
5. Infrastructure development
Source: University of Manchester
Tasman: Landslide study offers new modelEx-Tropical Cyclone Gita left behind more than 4500 landslides when it slammed into the Nelson-Tasman region in February 2018.
The authors of a new research article, published in the New Zealand Journal of Forestry Science, used gridded rainfall, topography, lithology and land cover surfaces to develop a high-resolution model of the landslides that occurred in a 196 square kilometre area of Tasman District during the time Gita brought heavy rain to the region.
“Our results ... reinforce the relevance of land cover, rainfall and topography as predictors of landslides but, most importantly, imply that effective land use management could substantially reduce landslide occurrence in Tasman,” the article says.
“In particular, our model suggests that increasing the extent of permanent forest cover and limiting clear- fell harvest of plantation forests on landslide-prone slopes could substantially reduce landslide occurrence during high-intensity rainfall events.”
ames Griffiths, Claire Lukens and Roger May, who is a forestry consultant based in Tasman District, were behind the article.
May said his work identified 4719 landslides in the study area, most of which occurred during Gita or were extended during Gita. Of the total, 10 to 20 only had “close to the same shape” pre- and post-Gita, he said.
Those 4719 landslides covered about 179ha in total, ranging in size from 0.001ha to 1.2ha.
Marlborough celebrates 50 years of forestryMarlborough Regional Forestry Celebrates 50 Years - Back in in the late 1960s, some forward thinking people in Marlborough’s then local government bodies thought it would be a good idea to plant pine trees on large tracts of unproductive land to promote soil stabilisation and to generate funding from logging.
In 1995 revenue from logging started to be realised, taking financial pressure off the region’s ratepayers and generating funds for a wide range of community facilities and projects.
That original vision has reaped enormous rewards for the Marlborough region, said Councillor Gerald Hope, who chairs the Marlborough Regional Forestry Joint Committee.
“Marlborough was lucky to have had forward thinkers such as Mayor Sid Harling who chaired the Marlborough Local Bodies Forestry Committee from May 1968. The committee’s arguments were persuasive but they had to jump through many hoops to get the idea off the ground. There were councillors to persuade on the four Marlborough councils and the Kaikōura County Council, and money had to be borrowed to pay for land purchases,” he said.
“Ultimately, and through the great assistance of local MP Doug Kidd, the Marlborough Forestry Corporation Act was passed on 13 November 1970 in Parliament, creating a body corporate to establish and manage the forests.”
“Profits from successful harvests of our publicly-owned forests have benefitted major projects across the region, including helping meet the cost of the Picton and Renwick sewerage services, the Southern Valleys’ irrigation project and the Marlborough Convention Centre,” Mr Hope said.
“In the nine years since 2012, Marlborough has received $24.7M in contributions from Marlborough Regional Forestry. Recent log earnings have helped fund the new Picton Library and Service Centre, the Quays riverside redevelopment in Blenheim, water supply services, the Queen Charlotte Track and the Tuia 250 commemorations.”
“We have a current balance of $13.78M from forestry and land development, much of which is already allocated to community projects over the next few years. This sum will be needed as we are currently inbetween log harvest cycles,” Councillor Hope says.
The Marlborough Regional Forestry estate, at 5,011 hectares, are on the North Bank of the Wairau River on either side of State Highway 1. Of the total, 1,438 hectares is native forest managed for conservation purposes, with 3,355 hectares of mostly pinus radiata planted in six forestry blocks.
The largest tract is east of Koromiko and includes three blocks: Koromiko, Strachan and Pukaka. It encompasses the south end of the Robertson Range, about half of the Pukaka Stream catchment and foothills east of the Tuamarina River. On the western side of the river are two blocks: Speeds and Para, composed of hill country rising from the valley floor to mountainous conservation land behind. To the south-west is the Waikakaho Block, an area of hill country that spans both sides of the lower Waikakaho River.
The native bush areas include a Significant Natural Area of 511.7 ha and a QEII National Trust covenant of 115.8 ha.
Sid Harling died in 1977 and was replaced by Bill Bown, then George Robb (1983) and Tom Hickman (1989). The Marlborough Forestry Corporation Act was repealed in July 1996 and ownership of its assets was vested in Marlborough District Council and Kaikōura District Council, with shares split 88.62% to Marlborough and 11.38% to Kaikoura.
MRF contracts forestry specialists Merrill and Ring Ltd to manage the forests on ratepayers’ behalf. For further information on Marlborough Regional Forestry, go to the Forest Management Plan on the Merrill and Ring website.
From seedling to sitting roomAustralia: How your real Christmas tree came to be in your sitting room
Seven years before Sydneysiders set out to pick up the perfect Christmas tree, farmer Lawrence Ranson is busy drying out pine cones and settling the seeds in for a fake winter.
“They have to think it’s winter for about six weeks in the fridge or they won’t grow,” Mr Ranson said. “Then we plant them out in the nursery, grow them for a year until they’re ready to go out in the fields.”
Mr Ranson then supplies seedlings to Christmas tree farms across NSW. Christmas tree farmers such as Greg Thomas at Kenthurst then plant the seedlings to save time in the farming process.
Mr Thomas plants more than a thousand radiata pine trees every year, beginning work as soon as he closes his gates for the Christmas season.
The Christmas tree stumps are removed from the ground by a machine. Then, in winter, seedlings are planted in their place.
“It’s labour-intensive. There’s not a lot of IT involved,” Mr Thomas said. “It attracts me because it’s so bloody simple.”
A 2.7 metre Christmas tree can take seven years to grow. The trees are pruned and sheared into a conical shape throughout the year.
Mr Thomas begins selling the trees in November and then closes in mid-December when all the trees are sold out.
... almost finally ... JW donates a millionJohnnie Walker gets into the festive spirit with gift of a million trees - As people around the world prepare to embrace the season of goodwill, Johnnie Walker announces a special gift for the home of Scotch whisky.
The makers of the world's No. 1 Scotch whisky* today announced their vision to plant one million trees across the four corners of Scotland before 2025. The announcement comes as part of an ongoing commitment from Johnnie Walker to reduce its carbon footprint and restore the natural resources it uses when creating its award-winning range of Scotch whiskies.
Julie Bramham, Global Brand Director for Johnnie Walker, said: "Scotland is our homeland. It is where our journey began 200 years ago and it's at the heart of everything that makes our whiskies so special. As we throw open the doors to the next 200 years of our journey, we want to take positive strides forward to nourish and protect the wild Scottish landscapes and pristine natural resources that have shaped our whiskies for generations."
To date, 389,000 of the one million trees have been planted near two of our distilleries in the Scottish Highlands. Over the lifetime of this project, these trees are anticipated to absorb over 69,000 tonnes of C02 - the equivalent of taking 10,500 flights around the world or driving almost half a million times from London to Edinburgh.
... and on that stunning chip of forestry news, 'tis the season to propose a toast to this fine forestry effort with a wee dram of whiskey for yourself!
Buy and Sell
... and finally ... Merry Christmas Kiwi style
But first ... see if you can identify with this:
Twas the Night before Xmas and all through the bach
Not even a weta was making a scratch
Woolly socks were hung by the pot belly with care
In the hopes that Santa soon would be there
The children were snoozing in a light summer's breeze
Whilst dreaming of spongy pud and lime green cream freeze
And dad in his walk shorts and me in my jandals
Had just settled down for a couple of handles
When out on the lawn I heard such a ruckus
I sprang from my Lazy Boy to see what the fuss was
I ran to the sliding door, gasping and wheezing
Threw open the curtains and upped the venetians
The moon on the sand and the Trailer tarp
Lit the beach up just like Eden Park
But still when I saw, I thought I was asleep
A miniature Kingswood, pulled by eight tiny sheep
With a little old driver, sipping a Fanta
I knew in a moment, it had to be Santa
Faster than Phar Lap on steroids they came
And he coo-eed and shouted and called them by name
Now, Kevin! now, Sharlene! now, Rangi and Beck!
On, Darryl! On Shazza! on, Bilbo and Shrek!
To the top of the Pagoda, to the top of the wall
Get in behind, Get in behind, Get in behind, All!
As sandflies around a bar-b-que fly
When they sniff the sizzlers and take to the sky
So up to the top of the bach they flew
With a boot full of toys and Santa Claus too
With a handbrake stop, they arrived on the roof
Four Goodyear tyres and 32 hoofs
And as I quickly turned and ran to the lounge
Out from the chimney Santa came with a bound
He was wearing boardshorts, and gumboots on foot
And his Mambos were covered in six-month-old soot
A bundle of toys he had on his back
As if on OE with a brand new Macpac
He looked like he'd come from the beauty parlour
With rosy red cheeks like pohutakawa
A gorgeous big grin and white as white hair
With wee little tufts growing out of his ears
He had a broad chest and a round beer gut
That shook when he laughed like Jabba the Hutt
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly hobbit
And I laughed when I saw him, I couldn't stop it
He gave me a wink and a bonza thumbs up
And I quickly realised he wasn't a nut
He went straight to the socks without saying a thing
And filled them with barbies and Shrek 2 keyrings
Then giving his nose a jolly good scratch
He flew up the chimney with an almighty flash
He jumped in the Kingswood and cranked the ignition
And then they took off, like some NASA mission
But I think I could hear, as he drove out of sight
"Merry Christmas to all, have a bloody good night!"
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